Signing a prenup when you get married might feel like you’re accepting that your marriage isn’t going to last, or that your relationship isn’t as strong as you think. It might feel like a prenup will undermine the purpose of getting married in the first place, or that it’ll lead to awkward or stressful money conversations between you and your partner. As a result, some simply won’t sign one at all.
But there’s a lot of upside to having a prenup. In a recent TikTok video, money influencer Vivian Tu shared why she and her husband decided to sign a prenup and how they went about it.
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Here’s what she said, as well as some experts’ thoughts on these binding agreements.
Also see five things soon-to-be married couples need to discuss to avoid financial conflict.
Vivian Tu’s Prenuptial Agreement: A Breakdown
“For our prenup, we went 50-50 on everything that we brought to the marriage, 50-50 on everything we’d earned during the marriage, and the only exception was a 100% carve out of the equity in my business,” Tu said in her video.
According to Tu, the reason they made an exception for her business was a simple matter of pragmatism and what she and her partner viewed as fair.
“I built Your Rich BFF independently, so if we were to ever separate I wouldn’t get to put his work experience on my resume, so why should he?” she said.
Tu also shared that she and her partner set their prenup the way they did because of the way they each earned money during their relationship prior to marriage, and the individual contributions they’d made to it along the way.
“For the first five years of our relationship, [he] meaningfully out-earned me like 2, 3x some years, and he’d pay for more of our vacations, our rent, our meals and he never once made me feel less than for making less than,” she said. “But because he covered more of our expenses, I was able to save more, invest more and put more into the down payment on our home.”
Essentially, this resulted in Tu having a lot more assets than her partner, but only because he did so much during those first five years. Despite her earning more after that initial period, and having those additional assets, she still wanted to ensure things were fair for the both of them — thus their prenup’s structure.
“That’s the whole point of a prenup,” she explained. “Making joint financial decisions that make sense for your relationship because it’s the most loving thing you can do.”
Learn More: I’m a Financial Expert: Why I Started Talking About Money With My Partner Before We Got Married
Signing a Prenup Is One of the Best Things You Can Do
Signing a prenuptial agreement isn’t a bad thing. Nor is it a slight on your partner or your relationship. In fact, many experts agree that it’s one of the best things you can do for your marriage, especially if you and your partner come from different financial backgrounds and have financial inequality in the relationship.
“I think that signing a prenup will make people feel safe in their marriage and not worry that the other spouse is only with them for their money. It takes the worry about the divorce off the table for the monied spouse and gives the less-monied spouse an understanding of what to expect in the event of divorce,” said Marina Shepelsky, Esq., attorney, CEO and founder of Shepelsky Law Group.
But if divorce were to happen, having a prenup in place can be helpful. “People dread divorce and want to avoid complicating it,” Shepelsky explained. “Divorce can be long and expensive, and the monied spouse will lose a lot of assets without a prenup even if the divorce is not their fault, so if they can protect themselves with a fairly negotiated prenup with both sides having a good attorney helping them — it’s a win-win.”
Communication and Clarity Are Key
While prenups are often a good thing, it does depend on the mentality of those involved. And you want to ensure your prioritize communication.
“Communication and clarity are two essential components of a successful marriage, which are the focus of a prenuptial agreement. Before getting married, it assists couples in establishing clear expectations for money, assets and duties,” said Holly J. Moore, divorce attorney at Moore Family Law Group.
Moore went on to say that divorces typically “involve both emotional and financial disputes.” With a prenup, some of the stress and uncertainty that comes with “what if” situations goes away.
“Look at it as an insurance policy that protects both partners in the event of an emergency, even though you hope you never need it,” she said. “I’ve had clients argue over who keeps the batteries in a remote control; anything is possible.”
Is a Prenup Ever Romantic?
This depends on how you and your partner look at it. Even if you don’t view it as “loving” as Tu does, it can still be pragmatic at the very least.
“I disagree with the belief that prenuptial agreements are unromantic,” Moore said. “In reality, a prenuptial agreement can signify mutual respect and concern. It demonstrates your appreciation for your partner’s mental health and future well-being, no matter what life throws at you.”
A prenup can also be a nice gesture, even if it’s not conventionally romantic.
“I think it’s possible for the prenup to be a nice gesture when the spouse who wants it can give a genuine reason for it and how it would make their life easier,” Shepelsky said. “After all, love and marriage are about making life easier and better for your spouse and making their life with you a better alternative to being without you.”
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This article originally appeared on GOBankingRates.com: Money Influencer Vivian Tu: Why a Prenup Is the ‘Most Loving Thing You Can Do’
The views and opinions expressed herein are the views and opinions of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Nasdaq, Inc.
