One of the first pieces of conventional financial wisdom you’ll receive is likely along the lines of “stop your frivolous spending habits.” Millennials have learned to roll their eyes at the insinuation that a collective penchant for avocado toast has the power to collapse the economy.
But they’re not the only group singled out as careless spenders. Women, in particular, are told to watch how much they spend — specifically avoiding “frivolous” items like manicures, lattes and purses.
Most people never consider these 5 financial moves — and they’re leaving thousands on the table.
Tori Dunlap, the author, entrepreneur and voice behind Her First 100K, rejects this premise outright. In her book “Financial Feminist,” she challenges the messages women receive about spending, saying that women are taught that they are financial failures because they don’t deprive themselves — while men are widely taught to be go-getters.
“One of the interesting things that has happened in personal finance education is especially for women, we are told that our spending is frivolous. We are told that frivolous spending is the reason we’re not rich,” she said in an interview with Morningstar.
Unsurprisingly, she also has ideas for how you can get out from under this reductive idea about spending.
Focus on Your Earning Power
In one of the later seasons of “Sex and the City,” protagonist Carrie Bradshaw (Sarah Jessica Parker) realizes that she doesn’t have enough to outright buy her rent-controlled NYC apartment (which is akin to a holy grail) because she’s purchased tens of thousands of dollars’ worth of designer shoes.
“I’m literally going to be the old woman who lived in her shoes,” she wails to her friends.
Carrie’s plight exemplifies what many people perceive to be the issue with women and spending — they’ll get the pretty shoes over developing financial plans for their long-term goals, like owning a home.
According to Dunlap, part of the reasoning behind this is the fact that women’s financial education revolves around deprivation, or cutting out things, while men are conditioned to build their careers and learn how to invest wisely.
“On the flip side, though, while women are told to scrimp and to save and deprive, men are told to expand their incomes,” Dunlap told Morningstar. “Men are told actually the way you become rich is by investing or by buying real estate or by negotiating your salary.”
Ironically, in the show, Carrie’s financial predicament is resolved by doing just that. She takes on a side hustle at Vogue magazine and negotiates her salary up to $4 a word (also akin to a holy grail).
What Exactly is Frivolous, Anyway?
Funny, isn’t it, that things like beauty, self-care, clothing, fancy coffee, and designer bags are considered frivolous, while things like NFL tickets, sports equipment, fishing trips, or fancy cars generally aren’t? If you wonder why that is, and your curiosity brings you to the realization that everything in the former group is considered stereotypically feminine while everything in the latter group is, well, considered stereotypically masculine, you’d be right.
In a concept Dunlap calls “weaponized altruism,” she said that women are made to feel guilty about spending money on themselves because they’re taught their biggest value comes from their service to other people. This insidious mentality teaches women that pursuing the expendable wealth you can use on that pumpkin spice chai or that Fendi bag is shameful.
”What happens then when women do start to pursue money?” Dunlap asked. ”The patriarchy panics. […] They realize that you will soon no longer be controllable because that’s really what this is about. […] Money is about control, and they see you demanding your own worth and pursuing wealth unabashedly.”
Instead of shaming yourself for getting a manicure to celebrate a win at work, just remember — if you were getting a front-row seat at a Knicks game, you’d be considered to be giving yourself the rightful reward.
Live Your Values in Your Spending
Dunlap is not suggesting that you indulge every little whim, even if it depletes your bank account. Learning to balance smart saving and spending without depriving yourself in the name of supposed virtuousness is important.
Her rule? Focus on indulging the things that give you legitimate pleasure. She encourages women to come up with three “value categories” or areas where they’re willing to pamper themselves. For her, it’s travel, dining out and plants. For you, it may be beauty, good coffee and going to the movies.
Spending on yourself in those areas will bring you more joy in life while simultaneously alleviating the urge to spend simply so you can keep up with the trends.
Don’t let anyone tell you that coffee or a tube of Ruby Woo MAC lipstick is a waste of your money — not when traditionally masculine indulgences are praised, and not when it’s something you really want. Follow Tori Dunlap’s advice and focus on boosting your earning power, unpacking the gender tropes you’ve learned in life, and zeroing in on the areas where spending a little extra on yourself will improve your quality of life.
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This article originally appeared on GOBankingRates.com: Finance Expert Tori Dunlap: Why Women Should Throw the Term “Frivolous Spending” in the Garbage
The views and opinions expressed herein are the views and opinions of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Nasdaq, Inc.
