Let’s start with a clear understanding that communication is hard. It’s hard to know what to say to ensure your intended audience grasps exactly what it is you want them to comprehend. How many times have you been in discussions and say something you think is incredibly profound only to be met with a look of confusion or presented with a question that completely misses the point of what it is you were trying to convey? It happens ALL THE TIME. Most of us get caught in a fatal funnel of communication that makes a ton of sense to us but absolutely no sense to the people we intended to communicate with.
Why does this happen?
The simple answer, we’re selfish. We carry a silent expectation that others should see the world the same way we do when in reality their lived experience and understanding of human-to-human interaction as well as significance on certain words and tones mean something entirely different. The abundance of self-centeredness that resides in each of us is not a fun thing to stare at in the mirror, but it is the first step to becoming an effective and genuine communicator.
Within business, over 50% of partnerships fail within the first 2-3 years; B2B conversion rates average around 7-10% and B2C conversion rates average around 3-5%; these numbers have become accepted as they represent the mean. Why is there not more success being found between partnerships and service/product offerings? What is getting lost and confused in translation between a shared idea from one human being to how it is accepted by another?
It boils down to our understanding of the value of what is coming out of our mouth and being fed into someone’s ears. This starts with YOU understanding your audience. Not in a business title sense (i.e. I speak to attorneys this way, to doctors another way, etc.), rather, as another human being you are genuinely interested in having an exchange with. This is really hard to accomplish for so many folks who are classically trained in business formation and management by large institutions and universities, as the art and science of translation between two human beings is not taught. What is taught is, “here is my offer, you’re not going to find one like it, the sooner you close on the deal the more value you’re going to get”; this is the antithesis of forging strong lines of communication, trust, and building a network that will make an impression when you are not around to. So, what are some things you can do as a professional to start making your communication more effective to create genuine impressions:
- Identify exactly what you believe in. People can read through lines and know when you are being disingenuous in your dealings with them. Establishing a truthful relationship starts with creating honest and open expectations of yourself and your role in that relationship. If I don’t understand the belief I have in a product, service, or idea, I can never expect someone else to buy into it. You want to strive for communication that is crisp, concise and speaks to the hear of the matter of whoever you are communicating with. This is only accomplished by confidently knowing what you believe in as a person so you can appreciate and recognize your audience’s beliefs, perceptions, and interpretations.
- Ask questions the right way (it’s the “how”, not the “what”). Most seasoned professionals know the value of asking questions but do not know the right kinds of questions to ask. They follow an “industry standard” that covers the “need to knows” to identify the right solutions or offering for the individual they are speaking with. This makes sense and seems simple but do not forget that 10% of communication is what you say while 90% is how you say it. Your tone, gestures, reactions, word choice as well as sincerity in the questions you ask will be giving the individual real time feedback of the kind of person you are. Their brain (just like yours) is hard-wired to sniff out any ambiguities or unknowns you may be displaying, that is how our brains make sense of others and gives them an internal title/label to create shortcuts when sizing them up. The difference is that many of us can only go so far in our understanding of what to look for as we have not developed that instinct or been trained to. So, choose your words, reactions and responses wisely; they are a report card to the individual you are speaking with that can make or break the beginnings of a relationship.
- Be confident in exactly what you want out of the interaction with the person. If you are a business owner having a discussion with a prospect, you realize and understand the goal at hand is to have the individual become a client. The challenge is what does “becoming a client” mean to you? For most, it’s another feather in the cap with a revenue reward tied to it. That is exactly how most institutions drive performance for their team members; monetary measure. Think about that, you are giving your most valuable commodity (time) and asking for the most valuable commodity of the prospect to ultimately make more money. Is that really what the human condition is about? Is that really what we want to reduce our interactions with others to? Yes, revenue and dollars are important, but what is more important is the quality and depth of interaction we create with others to make a lasting impression. Next time you have a meeting with someone be real clear about what you want them to learn about you and what it is you want to learn about them. Keeping those expectations at the forefront will feed a much more authentic discussion where they will naturally want to interact with you because you genuinely care as opposed to acting like you care.
The views and opinions expressed herein are the views and opinions of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Nasdaq, Inc.